A*** I

the passion and tenacity i see in you can come from no other. it runs from your soul and out into the world. it takes hold of everything and everyone you encounter. dont ever let it go.

untitled.....

Your body runs through my mind like a never ending dream
As the shadows creep down my wall to engulf me in the misery of not being able to hold you in my arms
I long to hear your voice one more time
I call out to you, but you're no longer there
Someone else is loving you
Someone else is hearing secrets, fears and desires
As time passes it doesn't get any easier
Feelings of regret and longing still pierce as sharp as they did the day I left you standing in a field covered with rain and tears

untitled....

For every piece of happiness I hold, there's a piece of unhappiness waiting to be dredged up.
You and I are no different, the ups and downs never seem to quit.
For every good memory sits a more painful one, creeping closer and closer 'til I can take no more.
The words come and the words go, so why can't we start over?
Lets ride this cycle backwards to the starting point.
Go back to where we used to be.
Erase all of the hurtful things that were said, take back the glares and unfulfilled promises.
Lets savor the good times.
Until we can, I'll step back on this train and enjoy the ride as it comes.
I'll hold on and brace myself for the fierce winds that are sure to blow.

Tears

I am drowning in my own tears
I stumble wearily through the blur of days while dreading the nights
I am a hostage of my nightmares and the darkness
Dusk is the daily reminder that the nightmare is alive and well
There is no escape for me
My heart screams in agony
There is no reprieve, no help for me
There is no balm for my wounds because they are so deep
I am writing and my search for safety is ongoing
Everywhere I look I see others grieving you
You were my sunshine, my carefree abandon
Your smile was my hope
I do not know how to live without you
I am young but feel the burden of someone a hundred
I scurry about franctically because the alternative is so tempting
I fear the indulgence and stay in bed, my cocoon
In my dream I pleaded for you to stay
Your eyes danced, your smile embraced me
I begged for the mercy of getting you back
I wake up each day to walk off the demons
I am so tired and this journey seems endless
I am trying to prevail
Struggling is not familar to me
You have left an abyss and I am by a thread
I take nothing for granted
Even breathing is a challenge
Often I hear my jagged breaths before I feel them
The harsh sound pierces through the silence
My anguish breaks out
I wheeze, being still offers no comfort
I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin
I am a snail without a shell
Now I must retreat into the safety of hiding.

Pain

I wish that I could say that I am perfect
I wish sometimes that I would not be who I am
One day I decided to think on this....
Could I ever on my own conceive,
Of someone I did not know, but need?
I must be made to be at peace and communion
'Cause somehow I know that I've fallen
I find through every ounce of pain I feel,
That my mind can't deny that God is real.
The inconsistency of what I say should be,
Compared to what I am in actuality.
It leaves me in conclusion that I know the way,
Although I am unable to obey.
Nothing in this world has satisfied
My soul's hunger for a deeper life.
The weight of my misdeeds were crushing, binding me,
I'm still with pain inside but now I see,
The pieces of my life are scattered on the floor,
I stared at them 'til I could do no more
I don't deserve to be set free,
Forgiveness is what I desperately need.
If it wasn't for the perfect blood shed,
Would I not be dead?
But I live instead.
I know my faith's still here,
Believing that through my lonely tear.

Today

I run....
Through tall trees and over the splashes of light that mark the ground,
and dance wildly around my feet with every gust of wind.
I run....
Feet pounding on the dark asphalt,
that tell the tell of hundreds of other runners,
with a thousand different dreams of glory,
each one to be forgotten.
I run....
Gravel sliding behind me,
the familiar sound of sand and pebbles crunching under my feet.
I run....
Across the bridge with each stride come vibrations of the wood.
Below me is still blue water, silent and cool.
I run....
Through pain, past exhaustion, into the splendor.
And tomorrow I will do the same.

I am part of you

There are pools of emotion flooding into my eyes
My realm of sadness is where nothing but darkness lies
You see me, the insainity of which all has become
You see the sadness that beckoned you to come
You see eyes filled with lust, love and hate
I can see into your eyes, I know I am a part of your life
I am the guardian that walks with you down your through strife
I am your angel, low and behold
I am your secrets, never told
I am the destination that fondles with your cries
I am the demon that resides in your dreams
I am your nightmare from which you awake with screams
All the adoration, all the things that are true
The very depth of your soul, I am part of you

untitled.....

I've wandered in the wilderness since that day
The day my world came crashing down
The day you walked out of my life forever
Never to return, never to be there again
I've wandered in the wilderness since that day
The day a kiss went unreturned
The day I held your hand for the last time
Never to feel your touch again
I've wandered in the wilderness since that day
How I long to hold that day pressed in time.