i'm losing my mind : ( lord, god i wish there was a way to express the way that i'm feeling. this can't keep happening.....

beginning a new.....

i've decided i dont want another website, & i don't want to have a seperate blog. i simply want to continue to use this location & this will be the place where i post my poems & free writing as well as my thoughts. seeing as how my thoughts become my poems it seems only fitting. so.... lets see how this goes....

A*** II

everyone's waiting to see what will happen next. don't disappoint your crowd. delight your audience with a girth of new wonders. spread your wings 'til they can spread no more.

A*** I

the passion and tenacity i see in you can come from no other. it runs from your soul and out into the world. it takes hold of everything and everyone you encounter. dont ever let it go.

untitled.....

Your body runs through my mind like a never ending dream
As the shadows creep down my wall to engulf me in the misery of not being able to hold you in my arms
I long to hear your voice one more time
I call out to you, but you're no longer there
Someone else is loving you
Someone else is hearing secrets, fears and desires
As time passes it doesn't get any easier
Feelings of regret and longing still pierce as sharp as they did the day I left you standing in a field covered with rain and tears

untitled....

For every piece of happiness I hold, there's a piece of unhappiness waiting to be dredged up.
You and I are no different, the ups and downs never seem to quit.
For every good memory sits a more painful one, creeping closer and closer 'til I can take no more.
The words come and the words go, so why can't we start over?
Lets ride this cycle backwards to the starting point.
Go back to where we used to be.
Erase all of the hurtful things that were said, take back the glares and unfulfilled promises.
Lets savor the good times.
Until we can, I'll step back on this train and enjoy the ride as it comes.
I'll hold on and brace myself for the fierce winds that are sure to blow.

Tears

I am drowning in my own tears
I stumble wearily through the blur of days while dreading the nights
I am a hostage of my nightmares and the darkness
Dusk is the daily reminder that the nightmare is alive and well
There is no escape for me
My heart screams in agony
There is no reprieve, no help for me
There is no balm for my wounds because they are so deep
I am writing and my search for safety is ongoing
Everywhere I look I see others grieving you
You were my sunshine, my carefree abandon
Your smile was my hope
I do not know how to live without you
I am young but feel the burden of someone a hundred
I scurry about franctically because the alternative is so tempting
I fear the indulgence and stay in bed, my cocoon
In my dream I pleaded for you to stay
Your eyes danced, your smile embraced me
I begged for the mercy of getting you back
I wake up each day to walk off the demons
I am so tired and this journey seems endless
I am trying to prevail
Struggling is not familar to me
You have left an abyss and I am by a thread
I take nothing for granted
Even breathing is a challenge
Often I hear my jagged breaths before I feel them
The harsh sound pierces through the silence
My anguish breaks out
I wheeze, being still offers no comfort
I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin
I am a snail without a shell
Now I must retreat into the safety of hiding.